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Is anyone willing to review my new short?

Dear Shooters.
Is anyone willing to review my new folk short story following the link below?

vimeo.com/421052524

I would like to submit the short into the Depict Short Film Competition 90 seconds and it would be quite helpful for me to hear your thoughts whether I should improve something in terms of technical aspect or even in Acting/English pronunciation..

Many thanks in advance.
Alexandra!!!

  • I missed the first line.

    clarity on the word 'hooted' as in the owl hooted
    and clarity on 'gliding' in the moonlight? wasn't sure of what the word was there.

    If i was being extremely picky I would also call on the word 'iron' I understood it exactly, but in English pronunciation it would be 'ai-uhn' you can google search it if your google is set to UK. However I understand that the way it was pronounced is authentic to the accent of the performer, so I think as there is no loss in clarity- it is a directorial choice.

    But other than that the english pronunciation was really clear for me.

    I would say the text could be much slower in the beginning. So we can tune into the fact we are being told a story. Then can build in speed and intensity.

    I would have liked to have seen more tension/relationship/conflict between the content of the story, the storyteller and what was happening in the present moment. For me it wasn't clear enough how they all related and what the risks, stakes, were between all those elements.

    I hope that is useful- but it is totally my opinion and thoughts. Well done for continuing to be creative in these times. Much thought.

    3 weeks ago
  • I though pronunciation was acceptable and the short was entertaining.

    I did notice narrative similarities to Dickens “Great Expectations”, aka lead protagonist called Pip, hiding in a graveyard etc.

    3 weeks ago
  • Hi, I agree with Anna-Maria about the specific words, as I didn't quite catch them but otherwise it was easy enough to follow. Love the location and the set up of a promise of a larger story.
    Could the tension of the story she is telling be connected to the storyteller more? There are a couple of points where she stops reading and I am not sure why she does or why she decides to leave at that point. She clearly feels like she is being watched but what pushes her to move on, does she hear something, a rustling or a whisper in the wind perhaps? or does she get a shiver down her spine? Just my thoughts, best of luck with the submission!

    3 weeks ago
  • Thank you very much to all of you who spend some time to watch and comment on my new video.

    I have already respond to each one of you individually by sending you a personal message.

    Many thanks,

    Alexandra!!!

    2 weeks ago
  • Hi, I wanted to watch your short but
    link doesnt work.

    1 week ago
    • Hi, I removed the short from Vimeo as I have proceeded in a new edition.
      I have sent you the new link in private message.

      Thank you,
      Alexandra!!!

      1 week ago
  • Hi, I removed the short from Vimeo as I have proceeded in a new edition.
    I have sent you the new link in private message.

    Thank you,
    Alexandra!!!

    1 week ago