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Would any experienced writers be willing to offer some feedback on my short script (13 pgs)?

Abigail Stone

3 years, 6 months ago - Abigail Stone

'A lonely office worker reshapes her world one-fold at a time. But will she be crumpled by life's problems?'

I’m Abi, I’m an actress and I have this short film script that I have been sitting on for a while and I would love to get some feedback on it from someone more experienced.

I had feedback on an earlier draft from another writer-director I know, which was helpful. I have changed quite a bit since then and I'm looking for another person to have a look at it.

The story is kind of delicate, with Amelie vibes. It explores love, loss and impermanence through origami and a touch of magical realism. The story is inspired by my own life.

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Ronnie Mackintosh

3 years, 6 months ago - Ronnie Mackintosh

Hi Abigail, happy to have a read. Send it to info@ronniemackintosh.co.uk.

Response from 3 years, 6 months ago - Ronnie Mackintosh SHOW

Terry Dray

3 years, 5 months ago - Terry Dray

Hello Abi, I'd be happy to help out. terrydray@me.com.

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - Terry Dray SHOW

Bob Eckhard

3 years, 5 months ago - Bob Eckhard

Hey Abi- sure but send it in asap.

Bob

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - Bob Eckhard SHOW

David Hughes

3 years, 5 months ago - David Hughes

Yep! david@damnfine.co.uk (5 star feedback rating on Fiverr but currently not doing paid gigs – freebies only)

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - David Hughes SHOW

David Hughes

3 years, 5 months ago - David Hughes

Also, if you can't move for middle-aged white male responders ;) I know a couple of female writers I'd be happy to recommend for advice

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - David Hughes SHOW

Yen Rickeard

3 years, 5 months ago - Yen Rickeard

Always good to have a second opinion, Abigail, but this sounds as though it is uniquel and you already have visualisation in mind. Take all comments as different lights being shone on it, to see if the story comes across - but I suspect it is the images in your mind that are going to be the most important. If you would like me to look at it send to jyr@rickeard.org.uk but for once I am suggesting that you just stay strong and go with the origami!

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - Yen Rickeard SHOW

Patrick Thimbleby

3 years, 5 months ago - Patrick Thimbleby

Hi Abi, Happy to take a look and provide some feedback and first impressions on this work. Patrick.
Contact me here (SP) or on this email: intron_spangly0j@icloud.com
Sounds interesting.

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - Patrick Thimbleby SHOW

Neil Scott-Sills

3 years, 5 months ago - Neil Scott-Sills

Hi Abi, I'm kind of in the same boat as Mr Hughes above. Would love to look at the script and give any advice I can regarding structure. Might also be able to help you figure out how to film it. neil.scott-sills01@bbc.co.uk

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - Neil Scott-Sills SHOW

Paul W Franklin

3 years, 5 months ago - Paul W Franklin

Hi,
I like Amelie-style vibes. You can email to pauwha@gmail.com
P.

Response from 3 years, 5 months ago - Paul W Franklin SHOW