ASK & DISCUSS INDEX

8 years, 10 months ago - Alwyne Kennedy

Too long, in my opinion. The whole thing could have been expressed in half the time (or less).

8 years, 10 months ago - Adrian Horn

If you take a closer look at the camera work there are several times when it goes out of focus also the color grading is not consistent when on the same shot at the sink with plumber and housewife . Sound recording was great and the edit was ok but could have been little shorter

8 years, 10 months ago - Alwyne Kennedy

Also, I feel the character of the plumber was laid on a bit too thick. And I feel it would have been better if his methods and dubious nature weren't handed to the viewer right at the start, rather the viewer should learn along the way. And maybe a bit more showing and less telling. i.e. a very short shot of the woman coming home from tennis and finding the shower water cold instead of having her explain it.

8 years, 10 months ago - Paddy Robinson-Griffin

Hiya, seeing as you've specifically asked, here's my 2p.

The sound was clear, this is a good thing, and a common stumbling point. The camerawork and lighting were all perfectly solid. No worries there either. Performances - no complaints there either.

Length - it was very much too long. It was one gag stretched over 8 minutes. Watch 8 minutes of any TV show or movie, see how much story progression you get in 8 minutes. 8 minutes could even be 4 complete scenes in a movie. You may even get a second storyline pushing the main storyline along in that time. The payoff was mild. Either make the film MUCH shorter, or have a lot more happening, and make the payoff stronger.

It's always tempting starting out to think more is better, but being ruthless is a massive plus - every shot, every word has to earn its place in the film. If you cover the same ground twice, you'd better have a reason. In this film we got that the uncle was dodgy, then again, then again, then again, then again, but it didn't deepen the character, just repeated the information. We could have learned his backstory/motivation, could have played the relationship upbetween the uncle and nephew, but there was no development so interest waned.

8 years, 10 months ago - Dan Selakovich

This is basically a filmed joke that takes way too long to get to the punchline without any build.

There's a famous joke that comics try to outgross one another with their version. The beginning of the joke and the end of the joke are always the same: the head of a vaudeville act goes into the office of an agent, and begins to tell him the most disgusting act known to man. Each disgusting action is followed by an even more disgusting action, building to the most disgusting conclusion. At the end of the of the joke, the agent says, "that's quite an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The aristocrats!"

Your film doesn't build to the conclusion. It's simply one note, then the punchline.

You've got some decent chops as a director with camera placement and coverage. The editing is too tight (try to cut to character rather than a informational way of cutting). But the script is structurally lacking.

8 years, 10 months ago - Lee 'Wozy' Warren

My thoughts would echo the above. I enjoyed it but it was overkill and repetitive. A film always starts with the script. Get that right (write!) and then it's down to direction, lighting, acting etc. You had those things fine. But the script let you down badly.

My 2c worth.

Wozy

8 years, 10 months ago - Jeet Bhachoo

Thank you all for your time.
I am giving a real thought to all the these points and my first thought is that there is something for me to learn from.